Wednesday, June 11, 2008


I'd like to talk a bit about self-sabotage. This was something else that Debbie and I touched on in our fat-girl conversation last night.

When you are heavy (and especially if you have always been so), your mind is "fat" too. Your personality, psyche, way of thinking, EVERYTHING is affected by your weight and how you perceive it. You end up identifying with it, and instead of being something that can be changed, or something you almost just "wear" around, your fat defines you. Then, you can rationalize anything. I, have always (and probably always will) have wanted to lose weight. I could list you, honestly, more than 100 reasons why I want to lose weight. And somehow, my mind can list you just as many why I SHOULDN'T lose weight. It's not logical, but it's there.

Most people use their heft as a shield, a barrier. They feel so prejudged by it that it actually validates them. A constant reason for anything at all. A failed relationship, not getting a specific job . . . must have happened because they are fat.

Some people are scared of the attention they will receive if they lose weight (I definitely fall into this category), Debbie confessed that the thing she is most scared of is being left with excess droopy skin and needing a whole body tuck! Almost seemed ridiculous to me (and mine, to her), but to her, a valid fear.

We all have our reasons. And we all need to realize that being a HEALTHY weight is more important than ALL of them. We need to break it down to the point where we can easily see that all those inhibitions and excuses are just mind games. They aren't true. They never will be true. We need to somehow learn to be confident enough in our INNER selves, that it doesn't matter how much our outsides change... we'll be able to handle it with strength and grace.

Forget about all the reasons why you should keep that weight on, and just focus on how amazing you'll feel when you are strong, lean, and healthy.

I didn't mean for this entry to turn into some annoying inspirational message. My point is... personally... I need to let go of my dumb hang ups and GO FOR IT. My body can only do so much if my mind isn't into it.

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