Thursday, July 30, 2009

Self esteem & self awareness

I wonder if there is a correlation between low self esteem and low self awareness. Let me tell you what I mean!
I've noticed that most, if not all, of the "normal weight" people that I know are very aware of how their body feels, very in tune with what is going on with it. They get a high from the exercise they do, they know when they are hungry, they know when they feel like something is not right. They notice if they've lost a couple pounds, or gained a couple pounds.

I don't notice any of that. I don't feel any differently internally when I eat certain foods or work out.

I am the opposite. I am hyper-aware of my external. If I am talking to someone, I am thinking... how does my fat arm look when I rest it this way? How far is my fat belly hanging out? How will I look when I start to walk away? etc. etc.

So I wonder if, feeling SO super self conscious for so long has numbed me from my body's real voice.

I wonder, how do I start to take the focus off the external, and try to listen to the internal? I want to feel what other people feel when they "listen to their bodies". But I know that the WANT has to be there. And I have never, ever wanted to be finely tuned in to THIS body, because I don't want this body. Maybe I thought that ignoring it would make it sad and it would go away, leaving me with a svelte new body that I actually want to get to know :-)

Does anyone else feel like they have a more solid grasp on one or the other? (internal, or external)
(or am I making so sense to anyone but myself? cause... that happens a lot!)

4 refreshing comments:

Sweet Copper Penny said...

Hhhmm, that's an interesting thought and I think I've been in the midst of a transition into that "self awareness" lately. Suddenly, I notice very quickly if my tummy starts to feel full. I hate that feeling, and so I stop eating easily. I feel "full" much easier these days since I've lost the weight and feel better. Also, yes, I remember always sitting and thinking about what other people could see too. I don't do that as much anymore. I think you may be on to something, but I don't know how to get there. For me, it is just happening on its own.

MackAttack said...

That is super interesting, I have to totally agree with you that up until recently I didn't notice the different impacts food had on my body, but once I started to really pay attention and notice it really made a difference, not that I make perfect decisions, but I do think twice now before I (over)eat certain items since I know I'll pay! (with an icky sluggish feeling)

Nancy said...

hello I found you while blog hopping!
Well I am overweight and am ultra self conscious about it, but I am also ultra conscious about how food or exercise affects my body and how it feels. I used to have a low self esteem....but this did not really affect self awareness for me.

For me only one thing affects hunger, and that is how much sugar I eat. If I eat more sugar, then I am hungrier all the time and never really satisfied. If I dont eat sugar and go low carb, I am pretty suddenly not as hungry and feel much better over all especially since low carb cures my hypoglycemia.

Everything Counts said...

Great post. I really appreciate and agree with your words. Thanks for sharing such beautiful thoughts.