Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Outside looking back in

I am sitting on the couch, sipping on a coffee, corgi on my feet... watching my regular assortment of weight loss shows. These are people I don't know and yet I find myself tearing up at their triumphs, feeling the pride of success for them and empathizing with their struggles. On a recent episode of MTV's I Used To Be Fat, the subject was an 18 year old girl named Kirsten. Watching Kirsten complete a 5k I was applauding her, bursting with pride for someone I don't even know. I was thinking what a beautiful girl she was, despite her weight.

I do that with every show... I watch with empathy and then with envy. I see beautiful people and their successes. And yet.. I can't see that in myself.

I don't know why that is. I've always seen the very best in everyone. I see every face as more beautiful than mine, and everyone else's accomplishments as greater than mine. In a way, I'm proud of that. I enjoy being humble and I feel comfort in being... unremarkable. I understand that sounds sad, and that it is spawned from my lack of self esteem, but it's true, nonetheless.

Maybe I need to celebrate my own successes a bit stronger, I know that. But it's a bit easier said than done.

1 refreshing comments:

Beth @ Kitchen Minions said...

I know what you mean, you are too close to your success, but as someone that has been watching your progress for two years, you are impressive. You work out 6 days a week, are careful with your food and are still going despite not getting the response you deserve on the scale. So you are my weight loss hero. If you need any encouragement just email me! I've got plenty for you!