Wednesday, May 18, 2011


I've been having some restless nights of sleep lately (due to the rain, mainly. Its very noisy and keeps me up!).  But the one thing about restless nights is that it makes me dream more... or at least makes me remember my dreams more.  I had this one dream last night where I was on this game show type competition.  The movement of your body controlled this little floofball, and you had to get your floofball through an obstacle course. 
There was running and jumping and ducking and weaving... and I got to wall where I had to jump and pull my body up and over it.  Now, in real life, there is NO way I could actually do this. But in my dream I did it, and it felt SO GOOD.  My body felt strong and I was so proud.  What a fun and motivating dream!

I have so many daydreams and hopes about getting thinner. I have always been a 'dreamer'  and I have so many things I keep wishing to come true.  All those little things that when you've been heavy for all your life seem powerful and unreachable.

The biggest thing for me is clothes. As trivial and superficial as it may seem, fashion has always been a passion of mine.  Up until logic took over (age 20 or so)  I wanted to be a fashion designer.  I still to this day doodle dresses I wish I could create.  I love style and clothes and I've always wanted more than anything to be able to dress myself the way I want to be represented. (which is virtually impossible from the plus size department)
I long for a day when I can put on a trusty pair of jeans and a plain old t-shirt and know that I look good.  Its so simple that it may sound meaningless.  But I think some of you may understand.

And course another dream of mine is to just fit in.  In the literal way and the figurative way.
I want to fit in all seats and spots.  Going to a concert or movie and not spilling into the next person's lap. Not always being the heaviest person in the photo/group/room.

I want to provide knowledge, advice, and motivation to people without looking like a failure preaching beyond my means.


You all know me.  You know that I could easily list 200 reasons why I want to lose weight and what I'll do when I get there. I didn't mean to turn this post into that.  I just wanted to say, that it is these dreams that keep me going.  Dreams that turn into beliefs that turn into motivation. Don't discount your dreams. Feed into them, support them, and don't feel guilty for them. Let them help you reach your goals!

4 refreshing comments:

Melissa Whittaker said...

Well, I, for one, think you ARE fashionable. :) You always look super put together and you have perfect makeup and beautiful hair and you're just looking fabulous all the time! I mean it, too! I always think, when I shop, or when I want to dress "together" WWSD? ;)

(It's true!)

Chai Latté said...

Thank you :-)

That reminded me that I found an old notebook from high school, and on one page you wrote all huge -


And it made me laugh!

Melissa Whittaker said...

Haha ohhh Meatloaf. What a mess he's been on The Apprentice.

Chai Latté said...

But such a lovable mess! :-)
And according to Trump... a super remarkably handsome lovable mess! haha so random Mr. Trump is!