Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Weigh In Wednesday

I am trying to only weigh in on Wednesdays now. Today, I weigh in at 235lbs.
I am still up 5lbs from that freakish low of 230 a couple weeks ago.
But I just keep reminding myself.. I am still 32lbs down total so far. That's just less than a third of my total to lose. So. chin up, self.

I've been feeling very frustrated and discouraged lately.

The thought of another big event that I had goals for, just passing by like all the others really bums me out.

I wanted to lose weight for prom, 8 weddings, dates, job interviews, reunions, parties, meeting people... SO many dates I wrote down as final goals. SO many dresses purchased in a smaller, hopeful size. Every. Single. Time. I failed.
Not once did I meet my goal. I have never, ever met a single weight loss goal in my life. Now Melissa's wedding is in 49 days.
And unless I can lose 1.5lbs every single day from now until then... my goal of being under 200lbs is just another one down the toilet.

I think the part that bugs me the most... is that I don't even beat myself up over it.
It's so normal, and expected that I won't actually meet the goal, that when I don't, I'm totally resigned to it.

I *KNOW* I am going to get there. Eventually. But I can't help but feel anger, knowing that I have to spend another great life moment feeling fat and uncomfortable. Having to look back on something that should be amazing, and only remember how awful I felt. Just like every other wedding I was in, or even attended. That's not fair!

But anyway... for now... just gotta keep on keeping on.

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