We Kin Get Thin!

YAYS

• Food-wise, I am at a really good place right now. I am becoming a natural at portion control (for myself. Still having a hard time with feeding other people! I just want to PROVIDE, DAMNIT) I am without a doubt eating consistently healthier than I ever have in my life. I am able to portion out small treats without triggering a binge. Its a work in progress, of course. But the progress feels good.

• Same as above, but with exercise. I am working out more, and more consistently now than ever before. I still hate doing it ... and it is still very hard to fit it into my schedule, even though it has become the sole thing that I schedule everything else around. It becomes cumbersome and overwhelming at times... but I am proud of myself for staying on it, and being willing to sacrifice a lot of time for it.

• I'm toying with the thought of making a video blog (the word vlog sounds gross).
Anyone that knows me knows how much I despise having my picture or video taken. It causes me so much anxiety. But I am often reminded that this blog was supposed to be about me not only losing weight, but also coming to terms with who I am, how I look, and learning to be open about it. I made a short journal-entry type video for myself a week or so ago, after simply wondering if my laptop could take video. :-) (it can!) And then, I watched it. And I don't see myself in that person. At all. I never have. Maybe I need to make MORE videos and force myself to watch them. Force myself to recognize ME. I know it seems strange. But hey, I'm a strange girl!
So, don't be too freaked out if, in the near future, I post a video of myself! And if I do.... be nice to me! :-) I'd like to get Fatty in on it too sometime... but that will be a battle!

• I am getting a massage tonight!!


NAYS

• Naturally.. my lack of weight loss is a major NAY. I wish I could just keep on keepin' on. Be happy eating healthy & working out... learn to embrace my body in all its chunkness. But I CAN'T! I have a LOT of weight to lose. That's not opinion, that is fact! But not losing pounds or inches is really affecting me. I can't help that. The most frustrating thing is to be starting to feel like a new person. Like I am some healthy, strong, jogging, health-food eating girl...and then I look in the mirror.. and I am not that girl. I am still a fat girl. Its like being transgendered or something...I associate with a completely different person than my outside represents.

• My outside running sucks. I am far better on the treadmill than I am outside. This differential is going to make ever doing a road race very difficult. Especially since all my training will be over the winter, when I can't run outside.

• My left knee is angry. I don't know why. I am trying to be nice to it! But it just won't feel better :-(