Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Lonely at the (way to the) top?

I was discussing these thoughts with Debbie the other night over dinner, so it's been on my mind a little bit.

I feel like I becoming a new person. Not totally different, mind you, I'm the still the Shannon you all know and love ;-), but changed. Improved!

I am slowly becoming a healthier person, in all aspects of the word. I nourish my body properly and healthfully. I exercise to lose fat, gain strength, improve my heart, and thwart illnesses. I educate myself about the body and the nutrients it requires.  This is who I've always wanted to become.
I'd read the blogs of girls with amazing knowledge and such healthy outlooks on food and fitness and I've dreamed of becoming like them.  I truly think I am on my way to being that.

But here's my issue. I feel like I am going it alone.

Now PLEASE, do NOT misunderstand me.  
I have A-M-A-Z-I-N-G friends. Joel, my friends, my family, my blogger buddies... their support is strong and unwavering. And I do not mean to say that that is not good enough for me.

I want to reach my goals and have someone there with me who has reached them too. Not specifically weight loss. (I have my amazing Mom for that!) More-so, someone I can call up and say "I wanna go for a long run and then eat a gigantic salad with you" and they will say - OH HECK YES, LET ME GET MY SNEAKS ON.

My biggest fear is that I will become a nuisance to my friends and family. That I will become that jerk that tries to convert people into eating healthy or something. I don't want people to think of me like - Oh, look at Shannon, she lost all that weight and now she thinks she's better than everyone.  I don't want to impose my choice upon someone else. And when I find myself doing it (ie : begging Joel to work out) I realize it's not because I want him to lose weight or feel healthier, it's because I don't want to do it alone. I'm hard on Fatty when he doesn't work out or eat well, not because I fear for his body, but because I feel abandoned. It's selfish and downright stupid.

This is all surprising to me because I thought I never wanted a support group, I thought I preferred to do everything alone and not share it with anyone.  It's turning out the exact opposite.

Can anyone tell me if they've also felt this way?
If it's just part of the journey? Or if I am just a complete boob?


PS : Just another note to my RL friends & fam : 
I can't express enough how much your love and friendship mean to me, and just because we don't jog together, or eat chia seeds together doesn't mean I don't value everything you are to me. 
Melissa, Fatty, Adam, Debbie, Dad & Mom especially... you are SO much motivation and support for me, so please don't think any of this has anything to do with that! I am not looking for replacements with six packs for all of you :-) You are all so perfect as you are!

6 refreshing comments:

muddymamma said...

I SO want it to be ME!!! I don't think I'll ever be able to run. I want long sweaty hikes in the woods, barefoot hikes on the beach, canoeing on the Concord maybe a butt-numbing horseback ride.I want to feed my new body properly, so I can get the most out of it for a long time to come.

Realistically though... my old body is a s**t-pile of old bones which don't hold together very well. So my goal is to do what I can when I can and enjoy the hell out of whatever I am able!
btw ... I am drinking a little glass of ginger kombucha and loving it!
I'm incredibly proud of you...GO GIRL!!!
love ya bunches... mom

Chai Latté said...

I want it to be you, too :-)
And I hope that we CAN do lots of those things together! Hurry up and get your parts in working order, already! ;-)

Me said...

Is it lonely at the top? Yes. That's why I went and found 270 weight loss blogs back in October. So far, 19 have posted their weights from November and lost each subsequent month (Dec, Jan, Feb). This includes yours, of course. Successful weight loss is lonely, we all know this, and those who are unsuccessful may not understand. I think as time goes on though, and after staying at goal for a while, you get used to it, and the loneliness goes away.

Ol' Man said...

2 cents worth is all you get...

Getting to the top with others is cool but getting to the top or reaching your goal all by yourself makes it special and something YOU can truly be proud of.
Maybe one day soon I can go for a long fast walk with you but I want fruit (fried)instead of the salad! Hahaha...
Even when you do reach top, and you will, you will NEVER be lonely! You have too many friends and family to make sure of that!

Please deposit another Quarter for 2 cents more.... :-)

Melissa Whittaker (mswhittaker23) said...

well, i know that you're looking for something other than me, but you know you can always call me up to go running or for tennis or eating a salad. ANY TIME. I'll make time for you. I'm free alot more than you are, and I can drive to you. So...text me when you want to go running. I could use a buddy to motivate me.

Anonymous said...

I've heard it said before that people who never thought they needed support through family members and otherwise, always need it the most.

I've discovered from personal experience that this is very true for me.

-thinnerwithin (LJ)