Monday, March 29, 2010

Please skip this one!

It's time for my quarterly trip in the waaaahhhmbulance.

I'm frustrated! And then, I'm more frustrated at myself for being frustrated. 

When I want better, faster results - I push myself harder. I work out extra, I eat meticulously, I count every ounce of water, and without fail - it backfires. I have been pushing myself beyond the norm for the past two weeks to try and get to 50lbs lost. I got nothing. And then some more nothing. And then a two pound gain. 

I can't be bothered to be this aggravated.  It doesn't benefit me in any way. It doesn't shame me into working harder, because I'm nearly maxed out. And frankly, I just have too far to go.

Good things are happening. I ran 2 miles! I went shopping and bought size 16 pants! (even though I've lost no inches... go figure!)  I'm getting compliments from people who notice my loss (even though I haven't lost!)  Why I can't I revel in these small victories? Why do I have to just dismiss it all and  be pissed off about a 2lb gain. 

I dunno.  I hate being negative. It's not in my nature. But I would be lying if I said wasn't so damn aggravated.

I was always so sure that the hard part of losing weight was the mental battle. Battling an addiction to food, social situations, and learned behavior. And that once I conquered those things, that it would be as easy as - eating healthy and exercising. 

I want to slap the peeps who just say "eat less, move more" 
Yes, it's true, and it's exactly what I say to other people *slaps self* BUT it obviously doesn't work that way for me. There is something missing.

Well, thanks for reading if you did. I hope you didn't. 
Bitching and whining is not what I want this blog to represent. But I also feel like a fraud if I don't share what I'm feeling. 

5 refreshing comments:

Rebecca said...

I'm sorry to hear your frustrated. I've been there so I know...

I'll also spare you the other motivational words...sometimes we just need to wallow in it.

Hang in there.

Chai Latté said...

Thanks Rebecca! I'll get over it, as I always do!

Melissa said...

2 miles?! That's AWESOME. You GO girl!!!!

Laura said...

Hey there!

Not only do we have the same taste, we share the same battled. I got stuck just trying to get going- again- not too long ago and instead of the eat less, move more (pisses me right off too), I went with the eat different, move different thing. Took classes and did things that were WAY outside my comfort level, and slowly, gradually the changes are coming. I feel your struggle and have been in your place a hundred times before too... keep at it, you are improving your health and well being even if the scale is being a stingy SOB and not showing you the love :)

Chai Latté said...

Thank you SO much Laura :-)
lets be friends!

Thanks Melissa :)I am glad that you can see how far I've come!