Monday, July 19, 2010

Finding My Place

The newest trainer, Damon (who I have on Saturdays) has suggested that I consume more calories. I have tried that approach before, without success... but I have try something.  What I like, is that he doesn't want me to eat all the calories I burn (I think that defeats the purpose of calorie burn!) But he wants to me replenish just a percentage of them.  Which I am OK with. I'll come up with a proper plan after some more research.

I was telling him that I struggle with what 'category' to be in.  I consider myself to be someone on a diet. I am in the very large percentile of people who are trying (or at least wanting) to lose weight. I am the one that magazines and infomercials target. The low-calorie, fat free, 100-calorie packs, Biggest Loser demographic.
However,  Damon told me that the government's definition of an "Active Lifestyle" is someone who exercises for 30 minutes, just ONE day a week.  And that just a small percentage of Americans who even live to that standard.
He tells  me, then, that people like me... people who work out for an hour or more 6 days a week are pretty rare. I didn't realize it was that rare, but when I think about it, I am the only one (whom I know personally) who does this, so I guess it is true.

What this means is... all those mainstream diet articles are actually NOT geared toward me. I am NOT the typical dieter.  I need to try and consider myself more as an athlete who needs to lose some fat.  And I need to feed my body for THAT lifestyle.

It is strange how much perception plays into this.  I do not see myself as an athlete. I do not see myself as an active person. I see myself as a fat girl who just wants to be thin. In reality, I've changed.  I AM an active person. And I no longer want to just be thin, I want to be strong, enduring, and healthy as well.  I am NOT just a fat girl who wishes she'd wake up skinny anymore.
But I feel like that is how I look to the world. To me, everything I am or do is a reflection on my weight. I've always felt that way.  I never wanted people to know that I work out. I never wanted people to know I was dieting.  As if somehow showing the world that I cared about my weight made my weight problem apparent to them as well.

I want to see myself differently. I want to lose enough weight, so that when I am working out I look like I belong there. So when people see me, they look at me with admiration and pride instead of pity.
While I know I have to earn that... I simply wish it would come faster.

3 refreshing comments:

Melissa Whittaker (mswhittaker23) said...

Not sure what to say to this entry, other than I think it's pretty amazing that you work out that much, and to agree that you are the ONLY person I know that does :) So you definitely live an active lifestyle :)

Mandy K said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mandy K said...

Interesting how you probably started the cardio to lose weight, but now see yourself as an active person. I think that's amazing :) And truly admirable.

I have to deal with feeding my active lifestyle from the opposite spectrum - make sure I am eating enough and not veering back into ED territory.

(Sorry, removed original post so I could receive replies)