We Kin Get Thin!

Oof, I've had a miserable morning so far today!

Corgi and Z got in a fight, I broke it up, yelled at them both, and then noticed Corgi was producing rather large pool of blood. Lovely.  So I call the vet, and they can take me right away. I suit up, get in my car, pull out of the driveway, and I'm stuck.  Apparently we got about 6 inches of snow overnight.
So now, I'm stuck in the driveway, bloody Corg in car. I get out to start shoveling myself out, catch my coat on the side-view mirror and rip a giant hole in it. My new, nice coat :-(

After jamming in the hood while trying to push my car, I attempt to give up. I call my Mom and ask her to pick me up in her big ol truck. She can't get out yet either. Meanwhile, Corgi is bleeding all over my car interior. Niiice.

So I start shoveling some more. And then, a few moments later, I hear angels singing, as my plow guy pulls up and says the best 3 words any woman can hear..

"Need a hand?"

YES I DO.  Thank you, manly man.  

So he pushes me out of the driveway so I can go to the vet, and plows my driveway clean before I return :-)

Anyway... Corgi is just fine. She has a got a really big bite, it goes straight through the back of her head to her ear.  Doc said it was big enough for stitches, but because of the angle, he thinks it'll heal fine on its own.  So she's got 1 shaved down crusty black ear.  And she's VERY sad about it. :-(
But she'll be ok.

And so will I . . .

Once I find a new coat!

Thank you, everyone, for wishing me a happy anniversary :-) I had a lovely one!
We ate fancy food at a fancy restaurant and told each other lots of nice things. Like how much I love his floofy hair! :-)

I ate well. Kept my portions small . . . in the face of rather large DELICIOUS things. I had dessert, too! But I restrained myself, and stayed within my calories for the day. 

Because they heard it was our anniversary, they took a picture of us together, and gave it to us at the end of the dinner.  Looking at that picture made me so frustrated all over again.
But, what can ya do?

Lets see. . . what else is new?

My running is still going, albeit VERY slowly. My knees have been just horrible lately, and running has been nothing short of miserable.  I haven't really been able to push my time too much yet.
I did that 14min 30 sec one a couple weeks ago, that is still my record for longest jog, sadly enough!
Right now, I am working on consistently getting 10 minutes straight, then I'll start pushing it again.
I've already promised too many people that I'd be doing a 5k in 2010. Too late to turn back now! And man, do I have far to go!

I have been improving on the jump rope now that I have the perfect sized one at home (THANKS MELISSA!!).  Still hurts the ankles after awhile, but the cardio and coordination have gotten vastly better!

Training is still going very well. 
When I started, back in April, the plan was to go for 3 months just to kick-start myself. Now, it's been 9 months, and I can't imagine ever leaving! Whether I see weight loss anytime soon or not... I know that a new me is starting in that gym.

Its funny, though, in my sessions I am starting to feel LESS in shape than a few months ago.  I think either its because I go in already sore and tired from my last workout, or the routines are getting harder and I haven't quite noticed.
But, my bicep muscles are so huge now!  I wish you could see them under all the chunk. The day I lose enough weight that you can see my muscles... you'll be mistaking me for Jillian Michael's!
POW POW GUN SHOW POW POW

Ok. I'm done being sloppy.  *sigh* 

I think that going to the doctor, having all these tests done has made me start to really think  
What if something really is causing this?
What if I can't really help what's happening with my body?
Why do I even try? 

So I think the prospect of there being something working against me is making me work against myself. Making me feel like, whats the point? If nothing I do influences it, what's the friggin' point?

BUT THATS NOT THE CASE!  And I know that.  Even there is something messing up my ability to lose weight, it doesn't mean I should stop trying. It doesn't mean I should feel defeated.  I need to keep on keeping on.

Of course a small part of me wants them to tell me they found something horribly wrong, give me a pill, and I miraculously drop 100lbs. ;-)  Wouldn't that be nice!?
But, considering my body's penchant for medical mysteries, I am going to hazard a guess that they find nothing at all. And especially not anything that can be cured with something other than a shit-ton of hard work and sweat.

And so here I am. Not giving up.
Not continuing with this little WAH WAH ITS SO HARD tantrum.

Honestly, I don't mind giving myself little breaks every  now and then. I work damn hard, and I get a little burnt out. I'm ok with that. As long as I can snap myself out of it before any damage is done (like now) then I am OK with it.


I brought Adam Mr. Scale. So Mr. Scale is no longer in my bathroom or within my naked reach (and everyone knows you can't weigh in with clothes on!)

I hope the Fall Into Fitness lady don't kill me, 'cause I won't be weighing in for awhile. I just need to put my head back down and workworkwork for a bit, and then weigh in later. It's not going to change, and I don't know why I keep expecting it to. So there is no need for the everyday ups&downs.

Anyways, that's where I am at!

I would also like to say (ie : fess up)  that I've been slightly slacking off this week.
I'm in a very slight "its-not-working-anyway-so-why-even-try" funk, as I seem to get every couple months. Can you blame me? 

Have no fear though, no need to prep your pep talk pens, or hi-jack the wagon to go back to my stop. . . I'm good.  When I say "slight"— I mean it.  Its much more in thought than it is in action. I do eat a little sloppier, but I'll work out a little harder. Or vice-versa.  I won't sabotage this. That, I promise you.

But I guess I am allowed to feel like I am "taking a break" every now and then.  Luckily, these episodes never last more than a few days, and never seem to result in any sort of weight gain.  I won't let that happen, either!

Training tonight. I am praying that my knee is a nicer friend tonight. Its been SO mean lately, it just HAS to be time for it to turn-around and love me again. Right?
I think so.  I hope so.
I haven't done a solid jog session for a couple weeks now.  I can just do a couple minutes at a time before the knee gives out. So its been a lot more walking, and much shorting jogging stints.
I want to make progress, so this knee better wise up! *slap*

Stay tuned for Fatty's account of training last night!  (I am hoping its coming soon!)

Ok, I don't care that this post is absolutely, no part health & diet related. But you will all enjoy it anyway. I took some pics of my babies the other day.
Enjoy!

My office was all decorated for my Bday today! I took proper pictures, but this one is from Matt's iPhone :-)



There are balloons, posters, and streamers EVERYWHERE! I got sugarfree candies! And bouncy balls! (that is what I am so excited about in the picture), I got an itunes gift card, and a gift card for my favorite sushi place!
I got an iced coffee from Dunks, and a Diet Coke from Fatty! :-)

Good day, and its not even my Bday yet!

(see why I love my birthday so much? I get lots of love!!)

I've started to write whiny, Nancy Kerrigan style posts (WHY ME?! WHY ME!?) all week, and I've stopped them all. It is nothing I haven't said before. Wah wah, I'm doing everything right and I am not getting results, bitch bitch, whine whine.

Its been done, and it does me no service. And it certainly isn't fun to read for you guys!

SO ANYWAY.

I'll turn this into a true progress report, lets break it down!

TRAINING
As much as I hate working out (I mean, I HATE it) I rather enjoy that I go to training. As much knowledge, space, and equipment as I have, I would never get the intensity of exercise at home. It may not be helping me lose weight, but it most certainly is making me stronger. And, I love my trainers!

RUNNING
I am continuing on pretty well with my Chai-2-5k program. My knee is not enjoying it lately, so my progress has been slowed slightly. I made it up to 7 min running, 3 min walking... but now I am back down to 5 and 5. I'm not too discouraged, I know my knee, and it'll come back around. I think I'm still on track (pun intended!) to meeting my goal of a 5k in the Springtime.

DIET
My diet has been good. Actually, its been great! I'm finally learning to stop when I am full, and distract myself when I want to eat out of boredom. I make good choices, especially on my free day, when things could get ugly. I have kept a close reign on those times, and all is good.

CHANGES/PROGRESS
This, of course, is the bane of my existence. I haven't really lost any weight. I haven't lost any inches. I have no physical, noticeable changes at all. This is the height of my discouragement. BUT. I can feel my muscles like nobody's business. I can run longer, squat lower, jump higher, breathe easier... you name it. I'm more fit. And I can't complain about that.
I find myself getting mad at Biggest Loser, health articles, and other bloggers who vehemently state - IT'S CALORIES IN VS CALORIES OUT. YOU DO THAT YOU WILL LOSE.
I always believed that. But why doesn't it work for me, then? Most weeks, I've got a 5000-7000 calorie deficit, that should be 1-2lbs a week, if the math holds true.
I want to scream at them - ITS JUST NOT THAT SIMPLE! But then, what makes ME different? Why does science not apply to me? Is it because I failed science class freshman year? 'cause I made that up the next year, damnit!

OKAY. So this entry did turn out a little bit whiny there at the end. I apologize!
I love you all, my peeps, very very much! And I can never thank you enough for following our journey with us, ups and downs and mini-breakdowns.

This is post 666! Eep!

Well, although seemingly too short, and filled with FAR too much snow.. I had a really nice weekend!

My birthday is coming up this Saturday, so I got to start celebrating this weekend!
Saturday, I had training and then back to the gym for the Wellness Expo, which was fun and informative! :-) Then, Adam took me out to lunch, where we got hibachi meals. Delicious! Adam got me a Keurig machine for my house! I love the one at work, and I'd been dying to have one at home! So nice!


Sunday, I did some beading at Melissa's, where she gave me too many amazing gifts! And then, took me out to Five Guys for lunch, which was heavenly. We did some shopping at the craft store.. AND THEN WE WENT KITTY SHOPPING. Oh you heard me! :-) We went to house shelter that had SO.MANY.KITTIES.

She ended up picking out this adorable little baby!

(other pics on my Flickr, Melissa!)

So...yah! I had a nice weekend. I didn't do the laundry, dishes, or pretty much anything I was supposed to. But hey, its kinda sorta maybe almost my birthday, so... lay off me OK! :-)

So when I woke up this morning, it was SNOWING! Ugh, the S word! I truly hate snow. I know, I know! "you live in New England, why don't you just mooooove?" I get that a lot. Unfortunately, the love I have for things that keep me here (ie : my family, friends, etc) somehow outweigh my intense hatred for all things snow!

That being said. I woke up. Snow. So I put on my warmest socks. I know they are silly, but goddamnit, they warm my feet, and my spirit!



The snow stopped shortly after I arrived at work, thank the baby Jesus.

My work day was long, and boring. But! I had a delicious Bertucci's lunch with Mom, Fatty & his roomie. I even managed to save 2/3 of it for a later meal (which happened to be dinner).

When I got home, the sky was such an unbelievably gorgeous shade of cobalt, and I attempted to take a picture to share with you, unfortunately, it just came out dark.



I also fixed a bowl o fruit!



It was heavenly!

Tomorrow is training in the AM, home to clean up, and then back to the gym! Why, you ask?
Bob is hosting a Health & Wellness Expo! Right in the gym! I'll let you know if I learn anything :-)

I guess that's it... sorry for being so boring, hope you are all having a more exciting, more fabulous Friday night! For me? I'm going to bed. :-)

Dr. Cox: The key to my exercise program is this one simple truth: I hate my body.
Turk: What?
Dr. Cox: Do you understand the second you look in the mirror and you're happy with what you see, baby, you just lost the battle.
Turk: You should give speeches to teenage girls.

Haha so true.

Anyways...

My session tonight was even worse than I feared. But it was SO so SO nice to see Mini-Mack again! I really enjoy training with Bob, but, I really missed Heather. I was sad, and embarrassed that her first day back, and I couldn't show her any progress I'd made. I *know* I am stronger than when she left, but tonight... it didn't matter. Too many drugs, too much pain, too tired. I had NOTHING to give. My stomach was sick, I was starving, my head was throbbing, I was just... useless. :-( Such. A Shame. A waste of a session, too... which stinks. But, you win some, you lose some.
I know I'll be in a better place on Thursday.

Really couldn't eat today, either. I had about a sixth of what I normally eat in a day. My tummy is rumbling right now, actually :-/ But, my jaw is so sore I can't open it more than 1/4 of an inch, and the gums on the entire left side of my mouth are all torn up from all the shots. Blah blah, complain complain!

I know it'll be better, even tomorrow it'll be better than it was today.

I'll hopefully be doing my Chai-2-5k session tomorrow, so that'll help me warm up for Thursday too. I gotta get my mojo back!

...I am just sick and tired of being sick and tired. I *thought* today's dentist appt was to put the filling into my root canal hole, but today was actually the root canal itself. Saturday was more like a pre-root canal. How nice. So I still have to go back twice, once to get my filling/crown, and another for my nightguard fitting.

The pain sucks, the drugs suck, but what bothers me the most is the not being able to anything. For the past FIVE days I have done nothing. Nothing but sit around, hold my head, and take pills.
I haven't gone beading, I haven't gone to work, I haven't even left the house so far as to check the mail. Yuck.

So, right now, I am waiting for my pills to kick in so I can go to bed and trying to psych myself up into feeling that I am going to be 100% better tomorrow. That I am going to kick ass at work, and then kick ass at training.

Hey, it could happen!

Anyways, I guess this is my official - I'm BACK! message. But I'm sure I'll be whining some more tomorrow ;)

Thank you SO SO SO much for your kind get well words the past few days. It's been really nice!

So, I'm at Mom's house right now (everybody say Hi Mom!)
Good news is, the dentist says I have nothing wrong with my teeth (whew)
So they assume its my TMJ worsening. The jaw problem is causing spasms and migraines. Lovely! They took impressions for some new fancy nightguard technology, and I will get that in two weeks.

I stopped by Mom's house to steal some of her Percocet. Moms are awesome pushers! ;-)

I truly hope they help me sleep tonight!

Timing sucks though, Joel's friend is coming to stay with us for the weekend, and I have a lot of cleaning, etc, to do.. and I can barely function. I am debating about going to training tonight. :-/ We shall see.

Baby Zevon's ass exploded last night. Took me an hour to clean one tiny room this morning. And I can't get the dog poo smell out of my nose hairs.

Poor little guy though, he was SO sad, and he just wanted to cuddle but I couldn't touch him cause he was covered in turd juice.

Don't worry, I did not take any pictures this time :-) You're safe!

But, here's a sweet baby picture of the guy, so you can send your feel-better vibes to him!

Yesterday was a beautiful day! Adam, Joel, and I went apple picking at a local orchard. It was warm and sunny, the view was gorgeous and the apples were so delicious!

I forgot my camera, so I had Joel take some pictures on his iphone. I told him I could not present an entry to my faithful readers devoid of images! *scoff*

So, here's some great gems he got. Including.. A VIDEO.


This is the orchard from the first hill. The view is spectacular!


Here is a happy little Golden Delicious tree. Joel's favorite kind.


This is me, munching away happily on an empire apple.


Here's our loot! Yes, I always go overboard at the orchard. Its just impossible not to!
But I will make Joel an apple crisp or pie. So that'll take up a few of them!



Here's a very adorable, very vocal rooster. He was insistent on exploring the wheel well of some people's car as they were trying to leave, so this farmer dude picked the rooster up, and plopped in the tree. Rooster was not thrilled by this. But there was another rooster at the foot of the tree, who was very obviously laughing at his unfortunate friend.
Also, I love Joel's commentary. lol.

*yawn*

Just got home a couple hours ago. I drove Mom out to the Berkshires to check on Grammie's trailer and do some errands. It's just under a 3 hour drive. I promised I'd take her as long as she allowed me a short pit stop to the campground. It is my most favoritist place in the world. It's a culmination of a strong childhood connection, and the sheer beauty of nature. . . I can't help but feel happy and peaceful when I visit it.

So we walked down to South Pond,

Where there were leaves washed ashore. I love fall colors!

There were salamanders

And Mommy Jesus walking on water (poking salamanders)

There were teen punk trees with badass red streaks in their hair,

And pretty flowers


We stopped at a restaurant called The Wagon Wheel, in Gill, MA. It was adorably kitschy and fun

They had a surprisingly varied and healthy menu, including Emu burgers and tofu dogs!
We opted to share a gyro, and a Mediterranean plate. We didn't anticipate the size of this! Everything was unbelievably good! One of the best gyros I have ever had. And the mixed plate had all my favorite greek goodies - grape leaves, baba ganouj, falafel, greek salad, hummus, pitas, and roasted veggies. Amazing.

We couldn't finish it. But we made a good dent.

It was a long day, but a super nice one. Mom and I always have a nice time together, and I got to visit my favorite place. AND got bonus delicious greek food.

The crappy part is, my knees and my shoulder are in A LOT of pain right now. Maybe from my workout last night, maybe from the driving. I dunno, but I hope it chills out by tomorrow's training session!

When I got home tonight, I let the pups out and it sounded like the ocean out there! I walked down to the end of my yard, and peeked over the edge (it goes down a steep ledge), the stream was flowing, like, white water rafting flowing! Crazy. Anyway, while I was walking back I took a picture of Fatty & my hard work - the garden!

(I know it looks sloppy, but trust me... it looked like the Amazon forest before!)


Here's Corg and Z snufflin' around. I like to think they are hunting for truffles.


Came inside, did my treadmillin' (thank you SOO much for my comments on that.. I am so encouraged!) Then, got a message from Joel saying he'd be home late. Bummmmmerz.

So I took the opportunity to make some egg salad, since Joel thinks it smells like fartbubbles, might as well do it while he's not home. (the eggs, I mean... not the fartbubbles)

(Thats got - 2 eggs, FF mayo, mustard, white onion, hot pepper flakes, parsley, black pepper)
It was yummy.

After my dinner, I put on Joel's dinner (spaghetti & meatyballs) and I prepped my meals for tomorrow. One of which included this unbelievable homemade jam I got at the fruit market a few weeks ago.

I spread a tiny bit on a sandwich thin, like so -


Then, I watched ANTM like any good, hot-blooded girl. Did some other chores, took a shower, and here I am in bed, writing to you! :-)

Hope you all had a nice day too! I will leave you with this fabulous comment I just got -

"Just stay focused on living a healthier life because it will pay off." - LyricGirl

So.Freakin.True.
It'll come.

Yesterday's breakfast was delicious, and kind of pretty, so I saved you a picture :

It is just eggs & spinach, with an english muffin.

Last night was beading night, and I made this little number -

Sorry the pic is crappy, my kitchen lighting sucks! But, I was proud of my new wire wrapping skills, so, whatevs :-)

Last night I had a snack of pumpkin spice granola, blueberries, skim milk, and a drizzle of agave syrup. It was heavenly.


This morning's breakfast was home fries (I used canned potatoes, hehe!) and 2 eggs. With yolks, what a treat!!


So tonight, I got home from training and put on some eggs to cook. I have an Oster egg cooker, and its pretty amazing. It does poaching, hard boiled, and soft boiled eggs. SO handy. I love kitchen gadgets, I can't help it :-)


Then, I started in on dinner...

I chopped some zucchini.


I par-cooked, skinned, and sliced up some sweet taters.


I put on those taters to cook.


I added some onions, shrooms, and spices to the zucchini and cooked em up.
And handed Joel the filets to grill.


Then, we sat down to eat! Look at that plate! Doesn't it look huge and awesome? Its a TRICK, I say!! That is a small side plate. Sneaky, I say.


Look! Leftovers :-)


Finished off with a Vita Coco. This stuff is amazing. 100 calories for the whole drink, and more potassium than two bananas! And, delicious I tell you!

Well, there's the pics I promised! :-)

Anyone else watch the heartbreak that is Biggest Loser?! What's with all the sob stories! I think viewers at home will lose 10 lbs a week just in tears watching this season!

Beautiful day today! Got some good errands done, stuff around the house, and Fatty and I went for an almost 2.5 hour walk!
We walked, we jogged, and we high-step jogged. We had headed to the track, but unfortunately there was a football game going on, so we drove on back to his neighborhood and resigned to just walk the block. And so we did, walked down to the lake, and took all the side streets we remembered as kids. Off one of the streets was a very inviting path through the woods, so we had to take it. It took us around the lake, up a very steep incline that Fatty HAD to run up in front of me, poofing sand in my face! lol
It dropped us off at some railroad tracks, which we followed and followed and followed, til' we reached civilization again.
I even attempted to re-assemble a dead squirrel, whose bones I found on the track. No luck, no skull!

We stopped at the stream by the old mills that we used to fish in as kids, we found $3 on the ground! That bought us an ice cold diet iced tea for our walk back home. Took a short detour to walk by our old house, the one we lived in until I was 10 or 11. It has all changed, of course... but I still like strolling by it sometimes. Good memories!

It was great exercise, in beautiful weather. Really nice, I say!

Right now, I am cleaning my room, and marinating some beef for stir fry tonight. And yes, I will take pictures!

So far, its been a very successful day on-plan and for me it means a lot, because weekends are hard. But it just shows me how determined I am! I'm not even taking my free day this week! Crazy lady I am.

Well, back to cleaning!

My Mom is doing a walk for the ASBS Foundation and Obesity Action Coalition, and she needs donations! If anyone would like to help out a cause we all feel strongly about...

Please view her personal page HERE

First day back to training was good! I was so afraid for my shoulder, but we did all sorts of things that were non-shoulder related and still great. I ended up with 1010 calories too! Niiiice :-) We did a lot of jogging, even outside! Which is super nice.

Bob encouraged me to do a 1-Mile Run For Fun. He swears there is a 5K runner in me, but I don't agree..... yet.

Anywho, I am strongly considering the mile run, Currently I can't run a mile consistently, or even a half mile outside, so to prep myself for even such a short race in 4 weeks is very ambitious. But, we'll see. Maybe Fatty and Melissa will do it with me!

I ate well today. Even had lunch out (sushi) and kept the proper portions and ratios.

Here's my breakfast -
Egg beaters, tabasco, homemade salsa & whole wheat english muffin, fat-free cream cheese on 1/2


For snacks I had some fruit, yogurt, protein bar, cottage cheese..same deal as yesterday.
Lunch was sashimi/sushi plate.

Dinner, was a filet, an artichoke, and a some whole wheat pasta. I made a dipping sauce for my artichoke out of some low-fat butter, fresh lemon juice, and a tiny bit of pesto sauce. Deeeelicious.


So, another good day!

After dinner, I swapped the laundry, filled and ran the dishwasher and cleaned the counters. I explained to Joel that this type of diet takes more planning, more time, and more dishes... and I feel that organization can be my downfall sometimes. Although in the beginning I start out hyper-organized, and I love it.. I quickly start of feel overwhelmed by it. Like I have no time, like it's consuming me!
I am determined to beat it this time by really staying on top of things. If I keep the dishes done and the kitchen clean, I'll always be ready to make my eggs in the morning, and have containers to pack my snacks for the day. If I keep the laundry moving, I will never have to wait or worry about packing my gym bag. Its all related, and its all life.
I need to find a way to get all the cogs moving together!

That will be part of my journey, and I vow to stay conscious of it, and not just ditch everything for the diet... but more-so keep up with everything so that the diet can succeed!