Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Staying Alive

That's about allll I've been doing lately. My motivation comes in bursts, and leaves just as quick. It's really hard to stay on the wagon. I'm getting mad at myself for being so lazy, yet I don't do anything about it, which makes me even madder at myself. I do really well when everyone around me is doing well. When Chai and I started this whole diet business(hah! like we make money doing this) We were both so gung-ho, and two peas in the proverbial diet pod. We helped each other with meals(mostly Chai) and with exercise(I played the role of trainer), it worked out great. We both lost, we both felt better, and my pants started falling off, in a good way.

Now, my food habits have been anything but good, my exercise has been next to nil, and the support between Chai and I has been lacking too. There just isn't enough time, scheduling conflicts, and having our own lives gets in the way. I'm not trying to point blame, or even shift it away from myself. I'm the one who keeps failing. It really hurts to have to come on here and cry about gaining weight back, or complain about being lazy. It really sucks, I'm not big on letting people down, but I have no problem letting myself down. I'm real good at that. It's almost like I set out to let myself down, so if I actually do succeed at something, it's a huge surprise, and I can genuinely get excited about it.

Everyday while at work, I think.... I could be at home, jumping rope, or bribing someone to hold the thai pads for me, doing push-ups... something.. anything. Then I get home, and all I want to do is lay on my couch, relax, play some Xbox, and zone out from this planet for a while. Just truly zone out, not talk to anyone, not go boxing, or running, or jumping rope, just relax, and forget about everything. Forget bills, and grocery shopping, forget being fat and broke. :/

Well, I'm done complaining for now. I'll be trying to turn this funk into funky fresh, and hopefully have a kick ass update for you all soon.

On a really happy note, I still love my new apartment, and barely miss Haverhill at all. :) So, not all is bad in Fatty land. It's just getting fatter and lazier.

4 refreshing comments:

Melissa Vegas said...

Gosh, everything you just said, word for word, is how I feel.

laura said...

that post got a little intense, and i may or may have not teared up a bit... feeling the energy and willpower during the day, and than feeling the need to just zone out after work is often how i feel. and it sucks!

sometimes i will read other peoples' blogs or watch a youtube video to inspire me. "if they can do it, i freakin' can!" kind of thing. i'm competitive by nature i guess. i often need external motivation because my mind gets just too wrapped around itself.

i hope you get the fire back soon!

Ol' Man said...

Hey.. that sounds like good kindling for a song...
Non-Motivational Blues by da Fish.....

This heat doesn't help my motivation at all. Too hot to work out.. You'll get moving again.. just be patient...

Fatty McFat-Fat said...

Some times, I think Charlie Brown said it best....

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

One of these days, I'm gonna boot the hell out of the football, right into Lucy(Miss non-motivation)'s face...

KAPOW!!!!
Now, I just have to get in good enough to get a running start and not be winded by the time I get to the ball. lol

Thanks guys, it's nice to know I'm not the only one who's pilot light gets blown out form time to time.