Monday, November 23, 2009

Where you at?

Ok. I'm done being sloppy.  *sigh* 

I think that going to the doctor, having all these tests done has made me start to really think  
What if something really is causing this?
What if I can't really help what's happening with my body?
Why do I even try? 

So I think the prospect of there being something working against me is making me work against myself. Making me feel like, whats the point? If nothing I do influences it, what's the friggin' point?

BUT THATS NOT THE CASE!  And I know that.  Even there is something messing up my ability to lose weight, it doesn't mean I should stop trying. It doesn't mean I should feel defeated.  I need to keep on keeping on.

Of course a small part of me wants them to tell me they found something horribly wrong, give me a pill, and I miraculously drop 100lbs. ;-)  Wouldn't that be nice!?
But, considering my body's penchant for medical mysteries, I am going to hazard a guess that they find nothing at all. And especially not anything that can be cured with something other than a shit-ton of hard work and sweat.

And so here I am. Not giving up.
Not continuing with this little WAH WAH ITS SO HARD tantrum.

Honestly, I don't mind giving myself little breaks every  now and then. I work damn hard, and I get a little burnt out. I'm ok with that. As long as I can snap myself out of it before any damage is done (like now) then I am OK with it.

I brought Adam Mr. Scale. So Mr. Scale is no longer in my bathroom or within my naked reach (and everyone knows you can't weigh in with clothes on!)

I hope the Fall Into Fitness lady don't kill me, 'cause I won't be weighing in for awhile. I just need to put my head back down and workworkwork for a bit, and then weigh in later. It's not going to change, and I don't know why I keep expecting it to. So there is no need for the everyday ups&downs.

Anyways, that's where I am at!

2 refreshing comments:

Kathryn Crawford said...

I'm happy to see you send the scale away. It really doesn't matter every day what the stupid numbers say. I know our goals are to be below 200lbs, to be at goal weight, etc, and this may not mean much from the weight standpoint-- but healthy life wise I am trying to follow your lead and your example. The stupid numbers on the scale may not reflect the truth but your body is so healthy because of the fact that you treat it so well and exercise it so hard. I am trying to do the same myself and, yes, reaching goal weight is what I've set out to do, but adopting a healthy eating and exercise lifestyle, that's what's going to help me get there and to maintenance, and that's where you already are, where I hope to be. I do hope there is nothing drastically wrong-- just maybe something a little pill will solve. :) Stupid scale!

100in12 said...


heh just kidding. :-)

you're right, breaks are SO important. even if they're one day or a week or two weeks. recharging batteries and regrouping is important, 'cause if you are running on fumes then you probably aren't doing it right and any relapses or binges are gonna be like a million times worse. not that i know anything about that...the dominoes pizza people know my information by heart...