I just got back from running outside. Joel, Corgi, and I went to the rail trail and I ran a ways.
The mini breakthrough is that I jogged outside in a tank top and spandex running capris.
This is only the second time in my life I've been outside, in public in a tank top.
I hate my arms. Truly, I hate them. My arms and my legs are a real sore spot for me. They are abnormally large, even compared to the rest of my large body. And, even after losing more than 50lbs, I haven't even shaved off a half of an inch from my arms. (not fair!)
BUT.
I am finally getting to the point where I feel more strongly about getting a solid workout in, than what I look like while doing it.
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
I can, and I will.
Being overweight, there is one thing that was always rolling around in my head...
"I can't"
I can't lose the weight, I can't fit in that seat, I can't wear clothes I like, I can't do pushups, I can't eat like other people do, I can't I can't I can't!
I remember saying this often when I was a child. And my Dad would say "I don't want to hear you use that word" as if it were a swear. If I repeated myself, he would follow up with "It's not that you CAN'T, it's that you WON'T"
These words from my Dad are words that I will never forget. (he's a smart guy, my Dad)
I hear them when I am at the gym and I am told to do a new exercise that I've never attempted before. I can feel that dirty curse word on the tip of my tongue. I'm already convinced that I cannot do what is asked of me. And then I have to tell that devil on my shoulder that it's wrong. I CAN do it.
And if I fail in trying?
Well, I'd rather be the girl that can't, over the girl that won't.
If you're reading this... I'd really you to tell me something that you CAN do.
For instance...
I CAN tell people that I have lost over fifty pounds!
I CAN run for 2.5 miles straight!
I CAN do real pushups.. more than 10 at a time!
I CAN plan and execute a healthy meal
I CAN persevere, even through a long, frustrating plateau
Monday, May 24, 2010
Hey Big Spender!
Well well, that was one fast weekend. I'm really not sure why we can't work 4 days and have 3 days off! These weekends are simply insufficient!
Something to take up when I become ruler of the universe...
moving on...
Saturday I had training, per usual! Except this session was my very last one with Missy the Trainer. I'll miss her. She's just a super genuine, sweet person...and those are the kind of people I like to be around!
Anyway... training was good. I weighed myself when I got home and it said 214.4! Can you believe that? I don't think it stuck... but it's a downward swing and I'll take it!
Later that night, I was heading out to see Fatty's band play. I hadn't seen them yet, and I was very excited! Of course we got to the bar that it was at and found out that his band was going on last. Unfortunately, Joel and I couldn't stay that late, so we missed out :-(
They are playing again soon though (in June) so I hope to make it to that one.
I will share with you the highlight of the night, though... which was discovering THIS HUGE ROCKING CHAIR.
(this is one of Fatty's bandmates. I told him he looked like a little baby in this chair, and asked him to suck his thumb for the picture. He refused. But when I asked him to poop his pants, he gladly complied.)
Amazing!
Aaaand, moving on again.
Sunday!
Sunday I woke up and headed out for a bike ride. I thought I was being a genius and decided to go over to Fort Devens. Devens is a military base. It's really cute, with lots of short hilly streets and big parking lots. It's usually very quiet in there, but just my luck... I drive in... and there's a 5k race going on! Ha!
The base is big enough for the both of us though, it was fine.
The Low Lights :
• Too many NO TRESPASSING signs. I wanna go where I wanna go, dangit! Top secret smop secret!
• There was one very steep hill I couldn't make it up :-(
• I set my cyclemeter app wrong, so it didn't properly record my ride. My guess is I did about 10 miles.
The High Lights
• I got practice on real street, with even an occasional car! Scary, but good.
• I made some friends!
Here's Hester the Groundhog :
And Charles the Chipmunk (look carefully, you'll find him!) :
• I found a cool gazebo (which was right by a pond) (seems I discovered a blurry spot on my lens too, oops!)
I realized I am not quite ready for off roading!
Heck!
So, that was my ride! I got a good workout in with all the hills... even the ones that defeated me at least left me with a gift of sweat and burning quads.
Then, I had to run home, clean myself up and head out to see my friend Becky in a show! The theater company she belongs to was putting on Sweet Charity. It was great!
Wish I could have gotten a shot of the gorgeous cast! But I am not so rude. All you get it a dark shot of the stage before the show :-)
Friday, May 21, 2010
Cycling the cycle
Now, clearly I need reevaluate my plan since it doesn't seem to be working anymore.
Asking around, I've gotten a lot of advice... everything from 24 hour fasts to stopping all exercise. I've been told an all egg & kale diet would be ideal for me, and that perhaps I should just try the lap-band or a medically distributed all-liquid diet.
While that all sounds great.... (or not) I'm going to just try to think about what might really work for me.
Now, I have lost 50lbs. Therefore... something causes my body to release fat. I keep hoping to find that perfect diet/work out regimen that works to lose the weight and is manageable for life.
I am starting to think that it might not exist. Let's review the only thing I do know :
CHANGE makes my body release fat.
If I am eating a 1,300 calorie a day diet for a month, and for one week I go bonkers and eat everything in sight... I will lose 3 or 4lbs.
Basically, any time I make a drastic change to my diet, good-or-bad, I tend to see a loss.
The problem with this, is that I don't want to "yo-yo" diet. I don't want to switch my eating habits every few weeks. It's complicated, and it doesn't seem totally healthy. It also doesn't bode well for a transition into maintenance.
The calorie cycling is totally geared toward this "change is good" theory and, like all other changes.. it worked for me really well.... for the first few weeks.
And then, my body even got used to the cycling. (You are a stupid, stupid body, you know that?)
My new plan is to cycle the calorie cycling. You follow?
Previously, my plan was eating 12,500 calories per week. Cycled from 1,500 on the lowest days up to 2,100 on the highest day.
This week, I am cutting down to 10,500 calories per week. Ranging from 1,200 to 1,900.
I will do this lower cycle for 2 weeks, then go back to to the higher cycle, and so on and so on.
We'll see how it goes! I'm not convinced that it will be a big enough change to fool my body, but it's worth a try!
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Wuh Wuh Wuuuuhhhh
So, my weight is still up. I even saw 220 flash on the scale this morning. I'm not happy.
Can you blame me?!
If I knew what would work, I'd be doing it for sure. Despite my knees, I am back to working out my normal amount, which is great. I am not sure what more I could do there.
As for food... my first instinct when I start gaining is, of course, to change my diet. To cut more calories. But, I can't cut many more calories without running the risk of eating too little.
The plan for right now... is to keep up with the calorie cycling. I am going to drop my weekly calories by a few hundred I think.... just to make myself feel like I am trying something.
I honestly don't think this is a calorie issue. I've never seen a correlation between calories consumed and weight loss (for myself, specifically). It's strange, I agree.
I am open to (healthy!) suggestions!
Monday, May 17, 2010
Everybody walk the corgisaur
This weekend, I introduced Joel to the rail trail. We took both pups for a walk, and the weather was perfection!
We made a new friend! Joel named him Jonas.
Corgi thought he was cute.
And I think that she's cute!
Joel snuck some pictures of me in...
I'm honestly shocked at how big I still am.
I can't figure out how I've lost 50lbs and I still look the same as I always did.
Every now and then, I study myself in the mirror, looking for changes here and there. Sometimes, I think I see them. And then... a picture. A picture negates it all.
I always thought I'd have more issues with teaching my brain to catch up to my changing body... but it's the exact opposite. My mind thinks I am slimming down, looking better and smaller. But my body is not.
Well, regardless of this, I had a wonderful time on our walk. We only made it 2.7 miles, 'cause fat Corgi could N.O.T. make it any further. She's out of shape, but she's also such a drama queen!
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Things and stuff
I've been a rather crappy blogger lately... and for my couple (awesome!) readers, I do apologize!
While I've been quite busy, it's been with nothing worth mentioning. No great new recipes, no fabulous weight loss, nada. I'm just... plugging along!
I am up about 3lbs or so this week. Every week so far has been the same... start out up 5lbs, lose the 5lbs by the end of the week, then up for the next week. My body seems to truly be battling it out with itself.
I haven't changed my eating habits, and I've picked up my work outs a bit... so my hope is that I'll start another downward slope again soon. I do wish I could let it not affect me, though.
Anywho.... let's list some good things, to leave you with nice feelings!
* Mom's surgery went great. She had her knee replaced on Thurs. morning.
* I rode my bike around today, practicing turning, looking, stopping, etc. All the safety stuff :-)
* I did 100 push ups today!
While I've been quite busy, it's been with nothing worth mentioning. No great new recipes, no fabulous weight loss, nada. I'm just... plugging along!
I am up about 3lbs or so this week. Every week so far has been the same... start out up 5lbs, lose the 5lbs by the end of the week, then up for the next week. My body seems to truly be battling it out with itself.
I haven't changed my eating habits, and I've picked up my work outs a bit... so my hope is that I'll start another downward slope again soon. I do wish I could let it not affect me, though.
Anywho.... let's list some good things, to leave you with nice feelings!
* Mom's surgery went great. She had her knee replaced on Thurs. morning.
* I rode my bike around today, practicing turning, looking, stopping, etc. All the safety stuff :-)
* I did 100 push ups today!
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Bacon, and Birthday Goals
For Fatty's birthday, we decorated his cubicle. We tried to stick to a bacon theme, and one coworker took it to a whole other level...
Meet : Bryan's Birthday Bacon Buddy!
Isn't he cute?!
Don't worry! He's not edible... doesn't mean Fatty won't try to take a bite!
Sooooooooo, back to relevant information!
I got back on the treadmill last night, for my first run in a couple weeks. My knee bands haven't come yet, but I couldn't wait any longer! I did 2 miles, which I am happy enough about. But I was really feeling it, side cramps and everything! If the weather warms up by Friday, I think I'll do 10 miles on the bike, then 2 or 3 miles running (indoor).
I'm not tracking my food this week. I typically log every morsel that touches my lips. But I feel like I need a break from the meticulous record keeping. I'll get back to it, it just seems overwhelming sometimes. I'll still be eating the same way, though!
After Fatty's Bday, I was thinking about my Bday! (It's not until October, don't worry, you still have time to shop! :-) ) I really really would like to lose a substantial chunk of weight before then. A birthday is like a personal New Years. A time to review the last year of your life, and decide how you'd like to spend the next one! I'd like to look back at my 28th year as a year of huge strides of progress, and head into my 29th year feeling like I'm in the homestretch.
I feel foolish making these kinds of hopes and goals, when it truly feels like I have no say over how quickly my body releases fat (if it does at all)
But... if helps me keep my solid motivation, then....I see no harm in it.
If I could lose 20-30lbs by my birthday (5 months), I would be ecstatic! A lot of my friends are ones that I only see once a year, on my Bday. And how nice it would be to show them a new me!
Now the question is.... how can I make this happen!?
Bonus Pic :
Monday, May 10, 2010
BBQ Tasties
Yesterday, we celebrated Mother's Day and Fatty's Bday jointly, with a BBQ at my parent's house.
We had some amazing food.... a sampling for you!
mini bruschetta
'shrooms and leeks on the grill
chicken wings
amazing, fall off the bone ribs
coleslaw with dill, my FAVE
pasta salad (my contribution)
Cocoa-cayenne cupcakes
And so much more!
Everything was absolutely delicious, as always. And I didn't need to eat anything else for the rest of the day.
Also!
On Friday, I had my second bike ride. I went 12.6 miles. I had a major issue with my hands going numb, which really impeded my ride. But I did the best I could. I ate a major amount of mosquitoes as well. But hey, protein! ;-)
I was a *little* better on the bike this time.. but I still need quite a bit more practice before I am comfortable.
The good part is, this part of the trail had a much higher elevation, and my legs were actually getting a little tired near the end! At that time, it felt like such a great thing, however, I was not smart enough to compress & ice my knees that night. So Saturday morning, I woke up to go to training, and I could barely walk. My legs were killing, my head was pounding and I just felt horrible. I had to cancel my training, which I H-A-T-E to do, but I knew it was for the best.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
HAPPY BIRTHDAY FATTY
On this day, May 10th, 30 years ago... a hairy but glorious baby boy was born. He was born to two awesome parents, and a welcoming older sister. He was cute and goofy, much like he is now.
Just a short time after this occasion, I was born, and this boy became a middle child. I am very lucky.
My brother, whom you all know as Fatty, is my best friend. I see him every day, and every day.... many times a day—he makes me smile. My brother can make me laugh hysterically with very little effort.
He is so talented, quick-witted, intelligent and funny. I have always (even when he had some 90's haircuts) been proud to call him my family AND my friend.
Happy Birthday dude.
I know you hate pics of yourself as much as I do. So I will spare you that. And I'll give you this instead :
Just a short time after this occasion, I was born, and this boy became a middle child. I am very lucky.
My brother, whom you all know as Fatty, is my best friend. I see him every day, and every day.... many times a day—he makes me smile. My brother can make me laugh hysterically with very little effort.
He is so talented, quick-witted, intelligent and funny. I have always (even when he had some 90's haircuts) been proud to call him my family AND my friend.
Happy Birthday dude.
I know you hate pics of yourself as much as I do. So I will spare you that. And I'll give you this instead :
Mom's Day
My Mom...
possesses more inner strength than an entire army.
is freakishly creative.
has been unyielding in her support.
is so beautiful.
raised me in a way that I can be proud of.
has a fabulous sense of humor. (regardless of what my Dad says!)
is an inspiration to every who meets her.
is one damn good cook.
is a rock under pressure.
will haunt me after she's dead. (she promised!)
is generous, loving, and emotionally available.
loves good coffee and good food!
endures constant, daily pain and never complains (even when she should).
My Mom is the best person I have ever known in my life. I am thankful every single day of my life to have been born into the family I was.
Happy Mother's day to my Mom, and to everyone!!
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Jellyfish Arms
Wowza! Trainer Bob kicked my patootie tonight. We stayed away from the legs completely, and went for a full, brutal, upper body work out. We did a lot of things to failure, which, really fatigues me!
My arms were shaking like Shakira's hips, I tell you! Wobbly. They still feel very weak and jelly-jam-like.
I love it! It's the workouts that leave me weak, that make me feel so strong.
It's backwards in phrasing, but I think you catch my drift ;-)
Anyway, thanks Bob! :-)
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
POP goes the awesome!
I just went home for lunch, and surprise! two gigantic boxes of Popchips awaiting for me!
Amazon was having some good deal on them (still is, I think, so go get some!)
And Joel bought me 2 boxes of variety. 24 bags per box, 6 different flavors! *sigh*
I've never been a huge chips person, but I do really like these. 100 calories for a bag, they are all natural, not fried. And freakishly tasty.
This is not a review, I am just very excited that they came!
I just ate a bag o Salt & Vinegar ones, they were still warm from sitting in the sun in my driveway.
Amazon was having some good deal on them (still is, I think, so go get some!)
And Joel bought me 2 boxes of variety. 24 bags per box, 6 different flavors! *sigh*
I've never been a huge chips person, but I do really like these. 100 calories for a bag, they are all natural, not fried. And freakishly tasty.
This is not a review, I am just very excited that they came!
I just ate a bag o Salt & Vinegar ones, they were still warm from sitting in the sun in my driveway.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Pizza Crust
It is no surprise to you that my baby Joel L-O-V-E-S homemade pizza. And I mean, thick crusted, multi-topping, layers of cheese, olive-oiled, deep dish homemade pizza. I actually do not like that kind of pizza, which is good, because with the calories in that stuff, I can't even go near it without gaining 32lbs.
Anyway, Joel wants said pizza all.the.time. And so, I have been on a forever hunt for an acceptable crust for myself. Recently, I've tried - whole wheat dough, Boboli crust, whole wheat Boboli crust, pre-made generic flatbread crust, sandwich thins (They are good in a pinch, though!).... and none of them really satisfied the flatbread pizza taste I needed, with low enough calories.
Nothing.. until now! Alas! I have found the secret!
I have been using pre-made naan that I bought at the Indian supermarket. They are thin and sturdy, but not crispy. They have 200 calories each, so I can eat the WHOLE pizza. :-)
Bitchin' !
So, yeah... here it is :
Ingredients!
1 piece of naan
homemade sauce = canned crushed tomatoes, crushed garlic, red pepper flakes, olive oil, basil, tabasco sauce, salt & pepper
sliced sweet onion
organic shredded mozzarella
fresh basil
dried italian spice mix
MY FACE.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Oh My Goslings!
Guess who just got back from their very first bike ride?
*THIS GIRL!*
MmHmm, that's right. I survived. No meltdowns, no crashes, no bugs in the teeth. (a couple up the schnozz though, that's cool)
So, first off! Here's my stats! :
Ride Time : 53 minutes
Distance : 9 miles
Average Speed : 10.09 mph
Fastest Speed : 38mph
Elevation Climb : 449 feet (that's cool!)
Calories Spent : 563
Now, my average ride speed IS faster than 10mph, but I stopped multiple times to take photos :-)
Speaking of!
On to the pictures!
The rail trail runs through some nature conservation land, so it's really beautiful.
I stopped to check out this family :
Where the The Floofenbutte Family was (that's their proper name, but you can call them, Bill, Suzanne, and the kids) was the most beautiful part of the ride... water on both sides, and the sun was just about to set.
Beautiful!
I stopped short and pulled out my camera lickety split to capture the most beautiful black and tan snake, who was crossing the path... but sure enough, as soon as I get the camera booted up, he's gone.
he was about 5 feet long, and so shiny. I believe his name was Gene. Sorry I missed ya, G.
Moving on!
My thoughts on the ride?
I was very scared. The path was quite low on activity, but panic would strike when another cyclist or walker would pop up on my radar. I don't have much control over my bike at all yet, so I would slow down as much as possible without tipping over, stay as close to the side as I could, and inside my head scream : ITS MY FIRST TIME, WATCH OUT FOR ME! YOU MIGHT DIE.
Then, I'd make it by them... do a celebratory and unintentional swerve to both sides and then continue on my way.
Physically, however, it was 100% fine. Riding is easy, my legs never tire or burn, my tookus feels fine (bruised, but not bad...yet), my back has no issues. I did have a problem with my hands falling asleep, but I have no doubt that it is largely contributed to the intense clenching I am doing because of my nervousness. That too shall pass.
So, all in all... I had a really nice time! I look forward to doing it again. And I will be choosing my Rail Trail times wisely, as to avoid any real traffic.
I noticed when I got back, that my seat totally lowered itself to the lowest position during my ride. Bummer!
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Trekkin'
Trainer Bob is gonna be SO proud ;-)
Today, I bought a bike!
Now, keep in mind... I've never really ridden a bike before. I learned late, like, age 13 or 14. And even then I was always too fearful to really ride the thing. Wheels are scary, man!
Anyway, screw the fear! I bought the bike, a helmet, and a bike rack for my car.
I took it over to a big parking lot to really try it out without fear or cars or bumps :-) I did good! Turning is an issue, I feel a need to slow down a ridiculous amount before making a turn... but hey, it's my first time! I'll get better!
And, of course, it's a good workout! Just cruising up a very slight incline was making me sweat. Joel took it for a spin, and he may get his own soon enough!
So, here she is!
(because the brand name is Trek, I've decided to name her Beverly Crusher)
And here's chunker, who came along for the ride. I need a beefy basket for her! :-)
So, hooray! Once I get my skills up, I can go biking with Melissa!
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